two years on

A photograph taken by my Grandad in 1973
January 19th, two days from now, marks the day that I made the decision two years ago to publish my first ever post here. Two years seems like an awfully long time to be consecutively stringing together the same twenty six letters in various formations for more my own entertainment than anyone else's. I started this wanting to get somewhere from it but now, I don't really feel like this  anymore. I don't want it to take me anywhere because, ultimately, I'm more than happy with where I am now. When it comes down to it, that's really what this has been about.

The idea of having my own portfolio of work was cool. I wanted somewhere to share what I hoped I had to offer. But now I feel like this is more than that. Sometimes I feel like I rely on this way of conveying my life experiences and feelings as another way to keep me sane. More than anything, I also use it to relive the moments where I felt both invincible and happy. Really happy. It's somewhere that I can bundle my happiness, sadness, love and disappointments into one place and understand why I feel like it at the same time.

I really like to question myself on just how much I have changed in the last year. When I muse at this exact moment twelve months ago I can't really be sure of the exact thoughts that had entered my head as I went about thanking everyone for the last three hundred and sixty five days. On the other hand, all I can seem to think about now is just how weird the concept of measuring time actually is. I've been pulling sentences together for seven hundred and thirty days. When it actually comes down to it I've been writing here for the same amount of time as it takes for the earth to fully orbit the sun twice; which is an odd way to think about it I'm sure. But whether or not I am on day one or day one thousand the point I'm trying to make is that I'm still yet to give it all up. I might feel different to how I was last year but the truth is I've not changed as much as I seem to think. I still worship Tom Odell's voice as if it was it's own religion, I still love spending every living moment surrounded by friends and I still drink enough of Lipton's Ice Tea to quench the thirst of a family of ten. On top of all this, I still write. Whether it's here, in a journal, in the notes section of my phone or on the back of a receipt I am still using my words and that is really the most important thing about being here for two years. I've found my voice.

The main reason I love to do this is for my Grandad in the hope that he would be proud of me if he was still here to read this. I adore the fact that he documented his life through the means of endless photographs and this is exactly why I like to do the same. I just like to share my words alongside my pictures as a way of capturing and bottling up my years of living into a small space like this. One day I look forward to looking back over years of, well, life. But for now, I have a lot more living to do.

6 comments

  1. This was so lovely to read, it's hard to believe but blogging can be hard going, It used to put me under pressure and I lost the love for it, but I'm doing things differently this time round :) Your Grandad would be so proud of you.

    Meme x

    http://www.thedayinthelifeof.co.uk/

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    1. Thank you very much! I quite agree, I felt like I was forcing myself to publish things that other people would like rather than do it as a way of making me happy which is why I started in the first place. I'm glad to hear it!
      That's lovely of you to say- I do hope so.
      XX

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  2. This was so very inspiring. I'm sure your grandad would be very proud.
    Minaali
    The Snap Narrative

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    1. Thank you so much, that's very kind of you to say.
      Katie Xx

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  3. This was really good to read. I actually took a long break from blogging. I felt like I wasn't really blogging for me just thinking of more what people would want to see. So this time around I'm gonna post what I want to share. Kinda of like a take it or leave thing. Hehe. I do hope your grandad will be proud of you!

    Anna
    http://www.anna-czarina.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! That's exactly how I felt recently, I'm glad you're going to do it for you this time and I wish you the best of luck!! That's very kind!
      Katie xx

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